20 Things on a Toddler's Daily To-Do List

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Check to see if it’s time to wake up. If not, wake up anyway and immediately tell parents.
Stain a shirt or couch cushion.
Clean out a toy box and leave it empty.
Hide a TV remote control.
Find a corner to substitute as a bathroom.
Sneak cereal out of the pantry and pour it into a shoe in case of a snack prohibition.
Change settings on a phone.
Get into a losing argument.
Test weight limit of refrigerator shelves by climbing up and down them. Grab juice box if available. Push milk carton to floor if necessary.
Take parent for a long walk/run when they are least expecting it.
Beg for snacks in 15-minute intervals, even if a snack is in hand.
Continue to test theory that everything is attainable if a meltdown is long enough.
Wipe nose on a stranger.
Check the length of a roll of toilet paper.
Make sure all doors are open at all times, including the front door but especially the bathroom doors.
Create a wall mural with permanent markers or food.
Empty a bathtub of water on the floor like the tub is a sinking ship and/or the bathroom floor is on fire.
Throw a yogurt cup, toothbrush and tantrum.
Carefully select the sharpest toys and place them where a burglar or anybody walking through the house after 7 p.m. would least expect to step on them.
Fight sleep like it’s trying to steal your family.

Baby hands are so small and gentle and clumsy and cute and armed with razorblades for fingernails. So approach with caution. The

Babies don’t have breakfast, lunch and dinner times. They have food spilling, stealing and throwing times. And those are all of the