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20 Things Your Baby is Desperately Trying to Tell You

by Chris Cate

Colton Bouncer

  1. I don’t care how cute it is. This outfit itches worse than poison ivy.
  2. Oh no! My pacifier has fallen right beside my face. I’ll never be able to reach it now. Help!
  3. Maybe if you stopped rubbing my head so much, you wouldn’t still be wondering why I’m bald. Also, it’s not going to bring you good luck.
  4. Move your head. I can’t see the ceiling fan.
  5. My nose is NOT a button. Please stop pushing it. Tell everyone.
  6. Somebody needs to brush their teeth and it’s not the one of us without teeth, except when Grammy is here.
  7. I don’t find it amusing to be covered ear to ear in baby food by an airplane buzzing my head. Somebody needs to tell the pilot to slow down.
  8. How would you like it if I called you chunky monkey? Thought so.
  9. Nobody makes you wear your seatbelt in a restaurant, so why am I still buckled in my car seat?
  10. Stop smiling at me. Can’t you see that I’m angry at you for laughing at how I keep dropping these damn plastic keys?
  11. Would somebody who didn’t have bladder control be able to warm themself up whenever they wanted? Didn’t think so. (10 seconds later) I didn’t expect the urine to get so cold so fast. Change me, now!
  12. You can’t blame me if I get sick because you haven’t washed this pacifier in three days.
  13. I feel like I should say, “pardon me.” But somehow that seems insufficient for having just spit up on your outfit and making you late for work.
  14. You do realize that I can’t understand you either, right?
  15. There’s a dryer sheet in these pajamas. Get it out! Get it out!
  16. Don’t take my diaper off now! No, no, no, no, no. Too late. I tried to warn you.
  17. If you make one mistake with those fingernail clippers, it better be the last finger because I’m going to slice you with what I have left.
  18. I’m crying because my baby monitor doesn’t have a screen so I can watch you too.
  19. If you sing another baby song one inch from my face again, you’re just begging me to sneeze in your mouth.
  20. Are you mocking my balance by hovering me over the floor as if I could walk? I won’t forget this when you are elderly.

Filed Under: Lists Tagged With: baby

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3x Soccer Dad. Words in Wash Post, Reader’s Digest, McSweeneys, Buzzfeed, HuffPost more. Email or DM for collabs: chris@parentnormal.com. My website⬇️

Chris Cate
Complete misunderstanding! 😂 Credit twitter/dm Complete misunderstanding! 😂

Credit twitter/dmc1138
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Yep. 😂 Credit twitter/getaliferisha . . . #par Yep. 😂

Credit twitter/getaliferisha
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
You have no idea. 😅 Found on @mytherapistsays You have no idea. 😅

Found on @mytherapistsays
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Truth. 🤦‍♂️ Credit Unknown. . . . #paren Truth. 🤦‍♂️

Credit Unknown.
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Is your baby a good baby? 🤔 😂 Credit @momme Is your baby a good baby? 🤔 😂

Credit @mommeh_dearest
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
The squad keeps it real. 😂 Credit @momsbehavin The squad keeps it real. 😂

Credit @momsbehavingbadly
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
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