Last week I was the guest curator for Huffington Post Parents’ list of ‘Funniest Parenting Tweets’ so I didn’t post any tweets on my blog here. But we’re back with another list this week. (If you want to read my list for HuffPostParents from last week, click here.)

As always, I hope you not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy:

3yo: Mommy why do you vacuum so much? *drops entire bowl of Goldfish on the floor. Steps on them. Me: 3yo: Me: 3yo: Whoops.

— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) November 13, 2014

“Daddy it’s more morning now than it was before when I woke you up.” -my 4yr old is so cute & also a jerk for waking me up so early – twice

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 8, 2014

It’s kind of scary that I’m responsible for three small people and yet I can’t find the Enter button on the remote control.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 9, 2014

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Twitter is a great place to discover other parents going through the same absurd adventures as you. I hope you not only laugh at these tweets each week, but also follow their authors on Twitter. Enjoy:

After going trick or treating with my 4yo, 8pm feels like 3 in the morning. #HappyHalloween

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 1, 2014

I’ve found it important to give my kids safety tips before they go trick-or-treating. Example: Only steal candy from kids smaller than you.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 31, 2014

“Daddy, can I be a Ninja Turtle for Christmas?” -my 5yo son

— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) October 31, 2014

You’re not really a parent until you’ve threatened to cancel a holiday.

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) October 31, 2014

Oh, that’s tonight? [slowly slides trash can full of candy wrappers under desk with foot while maintaining eye contact]

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 31, 2014

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