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Ep. 27 Spring Breakdown with ParentNormal News and Mail

by Chris Cate

Colt 1 in Boat

It’s the week of Spring Break for our family, so the theme of this episode, naturally, is Spring Break-down. In the episode, I’ll cover what’s in the ParentNormal News about spring breakdowns. I’ll also touch on springbreakdowns in the ParentNormal Mailbag segment while also covering other calendar events this week like Daylight Savings Time and St. Patrick’s Day.

ParentNormal Questions Answered in this Episode:

  • Do you have any parenting tips for St. Patrick’s Day?
  • How do you survive the daylight savings time change with kids when every parent knows that keeping kids on a schedule is so important?
  • Am I the only parent who feels like they are being mocked when they hear the term “spring break?” Isn’t there a better name that doesn’t imply spring break is actually a break for parents?

In the ParentNormal News:

Students across the nation are showing adults that it is still possible for people of all backgrounds to unite behind a single message, and that message to adults this Spring Break week is, “I’m bored.” The student demonstrations of boredom began during minute number two of Spring Break and they are expected to continue throughout the week.

Parents have attempted to end the demonstrations by giving their kids endless entertainment opportunities and by taking them on expensive vacations, but the students are resolved to declare their boredom whenever there is a potential pause in their entertainment.

Meanwhile, a first grader in Paris, Texas was shocked this week to learn that she actually can wake up early on a weekday. She has been insisting every school day this year that she is too tired to wake up on time, much less early. But to her great surprise and her parent’s frustration, now that Spring Break has begun, she has transformed into a morning person, a very early morning person who wants to play all the time. When asked about her breakthrough, the six-year-old says she doesn’t expect it to last past the weekend.

In Loredo, New Mexico, a couple of grandparents are spending time this week with their grandkids and bragging to all of their friends back home that their grandkids are the sweetest and most brilliant grandkids in the world, despite tremendous evidence to the contrary. The grandparents claim their grandkids are so sweet and smart that they don’t break anything. They’re also so generous that they turn all sorts of very fragile things into 3D puzzles for their parents to put back together. The kids’ parents have no comment because they’re still cleaning up broken objects.

And finally, in travel news, the Parent Staycation Association has named their top destination for spring break this year. Rather than spend extraordinary amounts of money on taking kids to the beach or a theme park, the PSA suggests taking your kids to the mailbox.

According to the PSA’s research, for some unexplainable reason, kids actually get more excited to go to the mailbox than going on any ride at Disney World. And for any parent who might feel guilty about taking kids to the mailbox because it’s a cheap alternative to a theme park, there are still plenty of bills waiting in the mailbox to make sure you feel every cent of the trip.

About Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

Since this episode was originally released, the show has evolved into Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast. It’s a show that’s for imperfect parents by imperfect parents. Hosted by humorist and imperfect parent of three Chris Cate, every episode breaks down a topic that causes parents to break down, such as putting kids to bed, potty training, the terrible twos, homework, clothing, discipline, cleaning up, cooking for kids, and so on….

By the end of each topic breakdown, parents will hopefully realize they aren’t alone in their struggles and that the craziness all parents go through is actually quite funny when it’s looked at in the right light. After all, the mission of the show is to help parents laugh when they want to cry.

Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Google and Spotify.

Connect with The ParentNormal on Social Media

Connect with all things ParentNormal on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Links to popular episodes of Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

  • Dad Stereotypes versus Reality with Simon Holland
  • Raising Teen Boys with Sarcastic Mommy Lisa Munn
  • Toddler Dangers: How to keep toddlers from injuring themselves and you (with Clint Edwards)
  • Clingy Kids with Rachel Sobel
  • Tooth Fairy Duty with Julie Burton
  • The Mess Kids Make with Lauren Lodder

Filed Under: ParentNormal Mailbag, ParentNormal News, The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast Tagged With: baby, toddler

Ep. 20 ParentNormal News – Scary Good Edition

by Chris Cate

PN Logo 300x300-2

The theme for this week is Scary Good, which means the ParentNormal News will feature what’s scary good about parenting. In this episode, I also preview Thursday’s upcoming interview with Scary Mommy creator Jill Smokler.

ParentNormal News

Investigators in Belmont, New York are stunned after discovering the true identity of nighttime monsters. In a plot twist reminiscent of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, the monsters scaring everybody at night have turned out to be everyday toddlers. Thousands of eyewitnesses report being victimized by toddlers on a nightly basis, so the most surprising thing is just that it took this long to close the case.

Meanwhile, a mother in Grand Rapids, Michigan is still not talking after a recent scare in her home. Her husband says their kids were playing like they always do, with lots of screaming and fighting and laughing, when all of the sudden the kids went quiet.

The father says he and his wife were terrified of what their kids must’ve been up to. The mom still isn’t speaking because she’s still trying to figure out what they did. The fact that it’s not an obvious spill or construction project only makes it more chilling because whatever they were up to might not be discovered for months.

Parents aren’t the only ones being scared in Eugene, Oregon. A group of toddlers are boycotting public restrooms over their fear of automatic flushing toilets and hand dryers. The toddlers can be heard running around in restaurants away from bathrooms chanting, “What do we want?” “Quiet Potties” “When do we want it?” “Several minutes ago before we had the crap scared out of us and into our pants!”

And finally, a new study finds that jumping in fear of bugs and spiders is actually a learned behavior. But kids eventually pick up their parents’ techniques.

And those are the ParentNormal News headlines.

About Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

Since this episode was originally released, the show has evolved into Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast. It’s a show that’s for imperfect parents by imperfect parents. Hosted by humorist and imperfect parent of three Chris Cate, every episode breaks down a topic that causes parents to break down, such as putting kids to bed, potty training, the terrible twos, homework, clothing, discipline, cleaning up, cooking for kids, and so on….

By the end of each topic breakdown, parents will hopefully realize they aren’t alone in their struggles and that the craziness all parents go through is actually quite funny when it’s looked at in the right light. After all, the mission of the show is to help parents laugh when they want to cry.

Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Google and Spotify.

Connect with The ParentNormal on Social Media

Connect with all things ParentNormal on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Links to popular episodes of Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

  • Dad Stereotypes versus Reality with Simon Holland
  • Raising Teen Boys with Sarcastic Mommy Lisa Munn
  • Toddler Dangers: How to keep toddlers from injuring themselves and you (with Clint Edwards)
  • Clingy Kids with Rachel Sobel
  • Tooth Fairy Duty with Julie Burton
  • The Mess Kids Make with Lauren Lodder

Filed Under: ParentNormal News, The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast Tagged With: baby, toddler

Ep. 17 ParentNormal News – Time After Time Edition

by Chris Cate

PN Logo 300x300-2

The theme for the three episodes being released this week is Time After Time. So if you’re lost, you can look, and you will find… well, I don’t know what you’ll find but I’m sure if you’re a parent it’s going to be sticky, gross and old…Time After Time.

Alright, has everyone who is going to get the Cyndi Lauper reference shown their True Colors? Okay, good. Now let’s see what’s in the ParentNormal News about Time:

ParentNormal News 

In St. Louis, Missouri, a mother and father are getting dirty looks from their neighbors because the couple put their toddler in timeout without a good reason. The parents, however, say there was a really good reason – their sanity. They say they were about to lose their mind if they didn’t get a 10 second break, which is the maximum length a toddler will sit in time out. They’ve since begged their toddler to put them in timeout, but the toddler just put them in dinner time.

In a related story, a family in Annapolis, Maryland is redefining snack time. The parents say that since their toddler eats snacks all day long, they are no longer going to have snack time. It will just be referred to as time.

In Sydney, Austrailia, a father is still trying to button his baby’s pajamas. The father has been having a very hard time trying to button the pajamas since taking his baby out of the bath last night. At one point, the father thought he was nearly finished after a three-hour-battle, but he was forced to start over when the baby pooped in her diaper for the sixth time in one day – that was 18 hours ago. The father says he won’t give up, but the baby isn’t going to stop kicking either. We will continue following this story to see how much longer the father will wait before switching to zipper pajamas.

Meanwhile, in Springfield, Massachusetts, a judge has ruled a toddler not guilty of breaking the 5 second rule after eating an M&M found on the floor. The judge said that even though the M&M had been on the floor for perhaps as long as 6 months, the toddler has been led to believe 5 seconds is a really long time, considering she has never heard her parents finish counting to three, not even when she fails to do what they ask.

According to a new study, time really can fly by. Researchers have discovered that time flies when you’re having… the kids spend the day at their grandparent’s house.

This just in on the baby pajama story. The dad is now counting on somebody hurrying up and inventing a time machine before he finishes buttoning his baby’s pajamas, so he can go back in time and kill the person who invented baby pajama buttons.

And finally, a baby has grabbed the sunglasses off her parents’ faces for the 12th time today, as if to make it clear there is never a time when parents are cooler than their kids.

And those are the ParentNormal News Headlines.

About Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

Since this episode was originally released, the show has evolved into Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast. It’s a show that’s for imperfect parents by imperfect parents. Hosted by humorist and imperfect parent of three Chris Cate, every episode breaks down a topic that causes parents to break down, such as putting kids to bed, potty training, the terrible twos, homework, clothing, discipline, cleaning up, cooking for kids, and so on….

By the end of each topic breakdown, parents will hopefully realize they aren’t alone in their struggles and that the craziness all parents go through is actually quite funny when it’s looked at in the right light. After all, the mission of the show is to help parents laugh when they want to cry.

Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Google and Spotify.

Connect with The ParentNormal on Social Media

Connect with all things ParentNormal on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Links to popular episodes of Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

  • Dad Stereotypes versus Reality with Simon Holland
  • Raising Teen Boys with Sarcastic Mommy Lisa Munn
  • Toddler Dangers: How to keep toddlers from injuring themselves and you (with Clint Edwards)
  • Clingy Kids with Rachel Sobel
  • Tooth Fairy Duty with Julie Burton
  • The Mess Kids Make with Lauren Lodder

Filed Under: ParentNormal News, The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast

Ep. 14 ParentNormal News – YouTube vs. Television Edition

by Chris Cate

PN Logo 300x300-2

Recognizing that parents may only have a few minutes a day to listen to podcasts, the ParentNormal Comedy Podcast will now be produced in very short and easy to listen to episodes three times a week, beginning with this episode.

ParentNormal News updates will be released every Tuesday. Special guest interviews will be released on Thursdays. And on Saturdays, I’ll share my answers from the ParentNormal Mailbag.

We’ll still have a theme for each week, and this week’s theme is YouTube vs. Television, so here’s what’s in the ParentNormal News about YouTube and TV:

ParentNormal News

A new study is highlighting the differences between the TV watching habits of kids and their parents. The study finds that kids are spending more time than ever watching shows online. Meanwhile, most of a parent’s TV watching time is not spent in front of a TV or a computer. Most of parent’s TV watching time is actually spent watching kids not go to sleep.

In Deerfield, Montana, HBO is revoking the subscription of a parent who hasn’t watched the channel in months. HBO says it’s just helping the parent save money that’s being wasted. Critics however, suggest HBO doesn’t want to be associated with anyone who continues watching a show like Calliou after their kids have already left the room.

In related news, Netflix says it is making a change to the way it recommends shows for parents. Rather than suggest shows to watch, Netflix will be making a blanket recommendation for all parents to stop watching the exact same cartoon episode over and over again just because that’s what their kids want to watch.

In Crenshaw, Vermont, a baby girl has already discovered YouTube and the girl’s parents are not happy about it. Since discovering clips of MTV Cribs on YouTube, the baby has become outraged that her crib is so puny by comparison. The baby is now demanding her crib be upgraded to include a doorbell, a stocked refrigerator, a garage full of luxury cars, a room for random friends to hang out in and a bed where the magic happens – as in actual Harry Potter-like magic.

Meanwhile, in tech news, a TV manufacturing company has started working on the most ambitious enhancement to smart TVs since the advent of streaming television. The executive who came up with the plan is being called a mad scientist by some while others are calling him just a frustrated dad after he showed up one morning looking frazzled and asking everyone the question, if smart TVs are so smart, why can’t they find where my toddler keeps hiding the damn remote control? Since that day, he’s been investing all of his time and energy on the project, which currently still involves trying to find where his toddler lost his damn remote control.

And finally, a father in Ontario, Canada is feeling the wrath of his children after beating them in a race. In his defense, the dad says he never imagined he was going to win by such a large margin. But sure enough, the dad ran a mile backwards in flip-flops faster than his kids could walk 10 feet forward with the television on.

And those are the parentnormal news headlines!

Coming up

On Thursday I’ll have a brand new interview to share with Deva Dalporto, a mom whose videos on YouTube have been downloaded millions of times. She is the creator of the viral videos “What Does the Kid Say,” as well as the mom parodies of “Let It Go, ” “I’m So Cranky” and many more catchy songs. NBC recently called her the “Weird Al of YouTube Moms.

I’ll talk with her about how she got started making videos for YouTube, how she decides what to make her videos about and what advice she has for anyone who might want to make their own videos for YouTube.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the ParentNormal Comedy Podcast on iTunes. You can also follow ParentNormal on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Thanks for listening!

About Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

Since this episode was originally released, the show has evolved into Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast. It’s a show that’s for imperfect parents by imperfect parents. Hosted by humorist and imperfect parent of three Chris Cate, every episode breaks down a topic that causes parents to break down, such as putting kids to bed, potty training, the terrible twos, homework, clothing, discipline, cleaning up, cooking for kids, and so on….

By the end of each topic breakdown, parents will hopefully realize they aren’t alone in their struggles and that the craziness all parents go through is actually quite funny when it’s looked at in the right light. After all, the mission of the show is to help parents laugh when they want to cry.

Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Google and Spotify.

Connect with The ParentNormal on Social Media

Connect with all things ParentNormal on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Links to popular episodes of Breaking Down Parenting: A ParentNormal Podcast

  • Dad Stereotypes versus Reality with Simon Holland
  • Raising Teen Boys with Sarcastic Mommy Lisa Munn
  • Toddler Dangers: How to keep toddlers from injuring themselves and you (with Clint Edwards)
  • Clingy Kids with Rachel Sobel
  • Tooth Fairy Duty with Julie Burton
  • The Mess Kids Make with Lauren Lodder

Filed Under: ParentNormal News, The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast Tagged With: baby, podcast, toddler

Listen on Apple Podcasts

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3x Soccer Dad. Words in Wash Post, Reader’s Digest, McSweeneys, Buzzfeed, HuffPost more. Email or DM for collabs: chris@parentnormal.com. My website⬇️

Chris Cate
Complete misunderstanding! 😂 Credit twitter/dm Complete misunderstanding! 😂

Credit twitter/dmc1138
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Yep. 😂 Credit twitter/getaliferisha . . . #par Yep. 😂

Credit twitter/getaliferisha
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You have no idea. 😅 Found on @mytherapistsays You have no idea. 😅

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Truth. 🤦‍♂️ Credit Unknown. . . . #paren Truth. 🤦‍♂️

Credit Unknown.
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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
Is your baby a good baby? 🤔 😂 Credit @momme Is your baby a good baby? 🤔 😂

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#parenting #parenthood #momlife #dadlife #kids #baby #preschool #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlerproblems #toddlerstyle #fatherhood #motherhood #momhumor #momprobs #momhustle #funnyparents #momstyle #parentingwin #parentinghumor #parentingquotes #parentingfail #parentingmemes #parenthacks #funnymemesdaily #toddlermom #parentingtips #tiredasamother #parentingblogger #parenting101
The squad keeps it real. 😂 Credit @momsbehavin The squad keeps it real. 😂

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