- All of your friends are asleep.
- You like your medicine.
- I’m not going to tell you again.
- The quiet game is fun!
- Your show ended already.
- I will pull this car over.
- We’re out of snacks.
- The (insert animal) really likes you.
- Mommy and Daddy think vegetables are delicious.
- Some fish enjoy “swimming” upside down.
- We’ll leave without you.
- The playground is closed.
- You have to eat all of your food.
- Nobody will notice the stain on your shirt.
- You’re the best (singer, cook, athlete, artist, etc.) in the world.
- We’re almost there.
- I already checked your closet for monsters.
- Maybe tomorrow.
- You don’t want to be late.
- Good morning.
20 Things Your Baby is Desperately Trying to Tell You
- I don’t care how cute it is. This outfit itches worse than poison ivy.
- Oh no! My pacifier has fallen right beside my face. I’ll never be able to reach it now. Help!
- Maybe if you stopped rubbing my head so much, you wouldn’t still be wondering why I’m bald. Also, it’s not going to bring you good luck.
- Move your head. I can’t see the ceiling fan.
- My nose is NOT a button. Please stop pushing it. Tell everyone.
- Somebody needs to brush their teeth and it’s not the one of us without teeth, except when Grammy is here.
- I don’t find it amusing to be covered ear to ear in baby food by an airplane buzzing my head. Somebody needs to tell the pilot to slow down.
- How would you like it if I called you chunky monkey? Thought so.
- Nobody makes you wear your seatbelt in a restaurant, so why am I still buckled in my car seat?
- Stop smiling at me. Can’t you see that I’m angry at you for laughing at how I keep dropping these damn plastic keys?
- Would somebody who didn’t have bladder control be able to warm themself up whenever they wanted? Didn’t think so. (10 seconds later) I didn’t expect the urine to get so cold so fast. Change me, now!
- You can’t blame me if I get sick because you haven’t washed this pacifier in three days.
- I feel like I should say, “pardon me.” But somehow that seems insufficient for having just spit up on your outfit and making you late for work.
- You do realize that I can’t understand you either, right?
- There’s a dryer sheet in these pajamas. Get it out! Get it out!
- Don’t take my diaper off now! No, no, no, no, no. Too late. I tried to warn you.
- If you make one mistake with those fingernail clippers, it better be the last finger because I’m going to slice you with what I have left.
- I’m crying because my baby monitor doesn’t have a screen so I can watch you too.
- If you sing another baby song one inch from my face again, you’re just begging me to sneeze in your mouth.
- Are you mocking my balance by hovering me over the floor as if I could walk? I won’t forget this when you are elderly.
10 Parenting Milestones You Should Laugh and Not Cry About
We all enjoy celebrating baby and toddler milestones such as eating solid food (without spitting it back out), using the potty (without having an accident immediately beforehand) and sleeping through the night (without kicking a nearby parent in the groin). But we rarely celebrate parenting milestones with the same fanfare.
If any milestone is deserving of a page in a scrapbook, it’s the first time a parent sleeps for more than seven consecutive hours, whether that happens at night in a bed or face down in an office. So why aren’t we celebrating such achievements? The first time you use the bathroom without interruption should be photographed and showcased as your Facebook profile picture. The best day of your life isn’t your wedding day anymore, it’s the day your kids went to sleep before 9:00 p.m. Celebrate!
Not all parenting milestones deserve a parade or even a golf clap, but no milestone should break a parent down to tears. Happy tears are usually appropriate, and every parent can sympathize with someone having a cathartic cry about the collective stress of parenting. But much like tripping over your feet on the sidewalk, even the most frustrating things can be quite funny. So why not celebrate the frustrating milestones too with at least a chuckle if not a full belly laugh?
Consider these 10 parenting milestones and why they should make you laugh instead of cry.